I read a lot of posts about how to date or disclose with herpes status on the net. It’s time for me to share some thoughts after dating with HSV successfully. I apologize first if the whole thing is completely different. My experience may differ from yours. I’m a straight male in my early 30s and live in Melbourne. Of course, there is no 100% right thing about dating. Luck is 99% of dating.
Step 1: Educate yourself.
Obviously, your own ability to manage the virus is necessary. What’s more, it’s also important to know the virus inside and outside when communicating with partners. It shouldn’t a good situation to say nothing when you partner what to know more about the virus.
So, talk to your doctor about treatments, including antivirals and get on a daily medicine permitted by them.
Remember the transmission rate (2-5% for a year of regular sex using medicine and condoms). Know how it spreads (high rate during outbreak period and asymptomatic shedding) and how prevalent it is (1 in 6 American adults), and how the virus works (stays dormant in the nervous system).
Step 2: Get in the Right Frame of Mind.
STD defines you or you control STD when you go into the dating scene? It seems to be a choice. But actually, it’s not. The virus is just one of a million things about you.
You can’t go into the dating scene letting STD define you – it’s just one of a million things about you. A bald guy would love to have hair, and an HSV+ guy would love to not be, but you have to work with what you have.
The key is having self-confidence. You have so many great things to offer to a relationship and partner. It might take some time to rebuild the self-confidence before you are ready. That’s fine. You can focus on work and friends, keep workout, and talk to a therapist about your mental health if you need. Eventually, you will be in good status.
Step 3: Find a date.
Once you are ready, it’s time to hit the dating market. There are a lot of typical dating sites like Match, OKC, EliteSingles. I also used STD dating sites like Positive Singles.
I’d admit that the type of match I targeted slightly shift compared with I pre-diagnose. So I increased my age range, liked more people in the medicine and science fields and sex-positive people when searching in the regular sites or apps.
Step 4: Disclosure.
Normally, I will disclose around 3-5 date, when I like the person enough to continue dating and the intimacy is near.
Once we are back at the apartment and on a couch talking, I say something like “Can we have a quick talk about sexual health thing?” They usually laugh and say sure, and I’ll say some something like: “Emm, I have genital herpes. I haven’t had an outbreak in over xxx months, and take a medicine that reduces the chances of transmitting it very low. Happy to answer any questions you have about it or just give you some time to digest. ”
Responses I got here vary from “No problem for me.” to asking questions and wanting to be educated about it, to thanking me for the honesty and asking to think about it.
I have never had any negative reply and the large majority wanted to continue the relationship, intimacy and all.
It’s useless to worry about the un-happened things. Living with an STD isn’t a big deal. Just move on and start your STD dating.